The following conversation between an investment banker and a client is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Investment Banker (IB): When did you last get a proposal that had a nice ring to it?
Potential Investor (PI): Is this an offer that I won't be able to refuse?
IB: You bet. The company we are hard selling is An-idea-gone-wrong! The crown jewel of perseverance in the telecom sector. It's an FPO, and an opportunity to play the telecom saga in India!
PI: Huh? That's... ambitious. Last I checked, it was shedding subscribers. So, what's the pitch?
IB: You are being too cynical! It's about laying the foundation for a comeback. We're talking about a ₹45,000 crore mix of debt and equity infusion. It's not just a lifeline; it's a rebirth.
PI: And what's in this rebirth for me, besides the joy of philanthropy?
IB: If you cut a bigger cheque, a plush executive seat on the board! Also, imagine the thrill of being part of a turnaround where a phoenix is about to rise from the ashes.
PI: A phoenix?
IB: Look, a phoenix always rises from the ashes! So, don't look at the losses. The company will turn around with strategic investments in network upgrades, a solid business plan revamped for the digital age.
PI: Does this epic saga promise actual profits?
IB: Come on, think big like a VC! We are talking of growth here, profits will come eventually. Ever heard of the "Infinity"? It's the company's leap into the future, transforming how enterprises deploy IoT applications. Also, on the cloud are games -- everything from action to strategy games. It’s a game-changer, quite literally!
PI: Is that the pivot?
IB: It's more than a pivot; it’s a metamorphosis. This platform is just the tip of the iceberg, offering 360-degree visibility and enabling cost monetisation like never before. We’re not just in the game; we’re redefining it, pushing towards market leadership and uplifting business revenue through cutting-edge technology. We’re talking about a holistic transformation, attracting a new demographic while enhancing the experience for our existing base.
PI: Why are you sounding like the company’s official handout!
IB: Aw, come on mate! Look at the FPO price, it's practically a steal.
PI: Steal? That's high stakes gambling! How will I answer my investors?
IB: Look, investing is an art and not science. Special situation investing demands thinking out-of-the-box.
PI: Don’t get me wrong, I love special situations, but I don’t want to end up being one!
IB: Cut out the humour. Think about it - what if it connects? With government backing and strategic innovation, it’s not about survival. It’s an investment in what could be the comeback story of the decade.
PI: Why don’t you suggest the government take the company into its own fold? Consolidate the family jewels, so to speak.
IB: You see the previous courtship ended unceremoniously. What was a monogamous alliance is now already polygamous…
PI: Why not spice up the ménage à trois? More partners, the merrier it will be.
IB: That’s absurd—after all, three’s company, right?
PI: What makes you think this tale won’t end in tragedy?
IB: Because every act of this play is meticulously crafted for a comeback. With the government’s involvement, and cutting-edge ventures like IoT and gaming, we’re setting the stage for a finale filled with applause.
PI: The ARPU hasn’t gone anywhere in all these years.
IB: Come on mate, don’t worry about the ARPU. The journey to $5 trillion will definitely raise ARPUs.
PI: How many investors have cut the cheque?
IB: I want you to have the privilege of being the first one to join the list. Think it through and let me know when to call you.
PI: Look, I do have a Vi number...
IB: Great, you already have a symbiotic connection.
PI: Yeah, but the network is patchy, you might not get through to me. But when the signal gets better, I will surely connect.
IB: Just make sure it’s not a missed call!
